A new way to procrastinate on revision

Welcome to REVISION: THE GAME!
You are in a WRITER’S ROOM.
There is a desk here.
There is a chair here.
Exits are W and E.
What do you do?

> revise

How do you want to do that?

> what do you mean how
> just revise

You’ll have to tell me how to do that.

> help

Checking your inventory can give you ideas.

> inv

You have:
A NOVEL
Six MARKED-UP MANUSCRIPTS
Six DETAILED CRITIQUES

> revise novel using critiques

How do you want to do that?

> argh
> go e

You are in a cramped room that smells slightly of corn chips.
There is an INTERNET here.

> look internet

You gaze into the hypnotic, glowy internet.
You have lost two days!

> what

I don’t know how to what.
You have gained an item!
You have gained: APPROACHING DEADLINE
The Internet is still here.

> run away

You go back the way you came.
You are in a WRITER’S ROOM.

> inv

You have:
A PIECE OF CRAP NOVEL
Six MARKED-UP CRAP MANUSCRIPTS
Six CRAP CRITIQUES
An APPROACHING DEADLINE

> run away

Which way?

> w

You are in a bland gray room filled with cubicles and the scent of lightly charred office coffee.  Deadlines shoot back and forth, narrowly missing your head.
You are attacked by a WILD DAY JOB!
The Day Job uses Heavy Workload!
It’s super effective!

> so help me if this turns into pokemon i will reprogram you with a bowling ball

You’re no fun.
The Day Job attacks.
You lose 20 HP.

> attack day job

You attack!
You do 200 damage!
The Day Job is unharmed!  But it no longer attacks you.
The Day Job says “I’ll be waiting.”  It retreats to the back of the room and glares across the cubicles.
You have lost three days!
Your APPROACHING DEADLINE has turned into a LOOMING DEADLINE.

> e

You are in a WRITER’S ROOM.

> inv

You have:
A NOVEL THAT YOU CAN’T BELIEVE ANYONE MADE IT THROUGH
Six MANUSCRIPTS COVERED IN RED INK
Six DETAILED EXPLANATIONS OF HOW MUCH THE NOVEL SUCKS
A LOOMING DEADLINE

> take off cranky goggles

Oh, hey, how did those get there?
You take off the distorting goggles.

> inv

You have:
A NOVEL
Six MARKED-UP MANUSCRIPTS
Six DETAILED CRITIQUES
A REASONABLE DEADLINE

> put ass in chair

Nice to see you’ve learned something from playing these games.

> cram it, skippy

I don’t know how to do that.

> combine critiques

You combine all six critiques into one long list of issues with the novel.
You combine all the markups onto one manuscript.
Your bag feels lighter.

> take apart novel

You break the novel into pieces.  It shatters along the score lines left by the combined critique.
Your NOVEL is now:
Four separate unrelated plots
Flawed characters lacking appropriate motivation
One entertaining character with no reason to be there
An awful lot of pulled punches
Uneven pacing
A chapter-long infodump
Garbled reasons for characters’ actions

> cut infodump

Well, that was easy.
Your pacing has improved.

> unpull punches

That’s not grammatically correct.

> stuff it unpull punches

You “unpull” the punches.
You raise the consequences for your characters.
Somewhere, the kind ladies who taught you grammar cringe.

> ungarble reasons

Don’t push it.

> merge plots

You take the dangling ends from one plot and weave them into the next.
The other plots don’t seem to want to merge.

> look plots

Their stakes are too uneven.

> raise stakes

You raise the stakes for the events in the novel.
Your plots become more compelling, and the spots where they can merge suddenly seem obvious.

> stab stakes into closest vampire

You have no vampires.
Would you like to add them? Y/N

> NNNNNNNNNNNN

Never hurts to check.
You can see the glow of the Internet as it approaches the east door.

> close door

The Internet makes sad noises.  It misses you.
From the sound of it, VIDEO GAMES have joined the Internet.

> nail door shut

That’ll only keep it for so long.
You can hear the bouncy theme song for Plants Vs. Zombies through the door.

> rearrange beginning chapters

Your pacing is slightly more even.

> add asskicking

Well, that did something, though I’m not sure what.
Your characters’ flaws are starting to become understandable.

> make characters act rather than react

Easier said than done, but you start.

> inv

You have:
A plot that seems coherent but has several dangling threads
Flawed and believable characters
One entertaining character with no reason to be there
Slightly more even pacing
Character motivations that are more understandable

> wrap plot threads around entertaining character

You use that one character to work out those last few snarls.

> reread crits

You seem to have addressed most of them.

> reread markups

You’ve addressed some, but the rest will need to be taken on one at a time.

> rewrite outline using crits and new plot

Congratulations!  You now have a working outline for how to begin your revisions.

> revise?

You revise!
You are: 3% done

> argh

I don’t know how to argh.
You have: An APPROACHING DEADLINE

> revise
> revise
> revise